


The Wingmen

by kittenspawn



Category: Fables - Willingham, The Wolf Among Us
Genre: F/M, Gen, In which The Three Amigos try to make Bigby look good and fail horribly, Snowby Week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-03-31
Packaged: 2018-03-20 14:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3654000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenspawn/pseuds/kittenspawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After witnessing Bigby's terrible dancing skills, Pinocchio decides he and his pals have to help the sheriff look good to impress a mildly intoxicated deputy mayor at all costs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Wingmen

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Notes: In which Kitten attempts to write the Three Amigos for Snowby Week for whatever insane reason. Blame Walk the Moon's 'Shut up and Dance' Music Video for this fuckery.

Fake IDs and telling the bouncer you were a ‘dwarf’ went a long way, it seemed.  “Told you dumbasses it’d work.” Pinocchio said proudly, tucking the ID card back into his pocket as he walked past the bouncer 

“Don’t say that word around Miss White. She tends to freak out.” Blue muttered as he, Flycatcher and Pinocchio entered the club.

“She has a good reason to.” Fly muttered sullenly. He was the only one who knew more of the story than the others.

The trio made their way to the bar, weaving around Mundy and Fable alike, the former of which were looking at Pinocchio with distasteful sneers. He promptly flipped them off.

Once they’d settled at the bar, drinks in hand (Fly opted for a club soda) they turned their stools in near unison to look out at the dance floor.

Blue nearly choked. Fly smiled sheepishly in second hand embarrassment, and Pinocchio started to laugh so hard he he nearly fell from his barstool.

In front of them was the Deputy Mayor, her hair down and her suit jacket removed, along with her shoes. She was bouncing around the dance floor with more energy than any of them had thought she was capable of.

“How many you think she’s had?” Pinocchio pondered, a shit eating grin on his face as he watched the woman spin and dance to the deafening bass of the poppy dance music. “Too much.” Blue and Fly responded in near unison.  Fables could, inspite of their unique healing ability, get drunk. It just took a lot to make it happen and didn’t last nearly as long as it would for a Mundy. _And Snow White was clearly drunk._

They stared at her a moment longer, only realizing who she was attempting to lure onto the dance floor when he spoke.

“Snow, you really don’t want me to dance with you. I’ve got two left feet.”

“Holy fucking shit.” It was Pinocchio’s turn to choke on his drink then. “She’s tryin’ to get Bigby to dance with her.” He pointed out as though it wasn’t painfully obvious already.

“I know.” Again, Fly and Blue were in perfect harmony.

They watched as Bigby tried to fend off the very intoxicated Deputy Mayor’s advances. Her arms curled around his neck, trying to pull him to the dance floor. She tugged harder to drag him along to the middle of the floor, only letting him go to spin and twirl around him in time with the beat, her hair curling out in a dark wave of messiness as she danced around him like an amped up ballerina, laughing and smiling the whole time.

Bigby gulped, clearly mesmerized by the sight before him. Fly covered his eyes while Blue stared like a deer in headlights. Pinocchio was in fits of laughter, watching as Snow tried to get Bigby to dance with her again.

To be fair, the sheriff was _trying_ , but it looked much more like an awkward child at his relative’s wedding than a grown man trying to impress a woman he’d pined over for years. He shuffled on his feet, trying to find the beat. Every once in a while he bounced on his toes, trying to match Snow’s frantic motions.

Only a few minutes of watching had to pass before action was required. “Alright.” Pinocchio set his empty glass down on the bar, his commanding tone almost entirely countered by the way he had to climb down from the barstool like a toddler. “Men. We have a mission.” Fly and Blue looked down, clearly confused. Pinocchio folded his arms behind his back. “Everyone of us is abundantly aware of the attraction our sheriff has for our  Deputy Mayor. And who could blame him,” Pinocchio looked out onto the dance floor at Snow, who was still spinning, laughing and trying to dance with Bigby. “Woman is fine as hell, even when she’s drunk as all fuck.” he muttered under his breath. “We have a duty to our fellow man to be his wingmen.” Blue and Fly tilted their heads, perplexed by the terminology. “Wingmen! The guys who help him get the girl at any cost.” Pinocchio gestured to Bigby who was…wow, was he having a muscle spasm or was that his definition of dancing? “He needs us to make _that_ look good, so he can take that woman home and get _laid_.” Pinocchio set his fist in the opposite palm, clearly determined in his mission.

“I don’t think that’s what he wants ” Fly shook his head.

“Yeah. I’ve been working with them for a while and he really just…” Blue added before Pinocchio stomped his foot.

“Of _course_ that’s what he wants! He’s a man, ain’t he? That’s what we _all_ want.”

“Are you sure that’s not just what _you_ want?” Fly looked skeptical as his gaze moved from his friend and the awkward sheriff and less than graceful princess he was trying to keep from falling on him as she spun around, a drunken attempt at replicating a scene from that Dirty Dancing movie. “Hey. Whoa!” Bigby looked all the more flustered at her advances as he pushed her away to arms length.

Pinocchio wrinkled his nose. “Alright, so maybe he doesn’t want a piece of that. He still wants to impress her.” The other two could only nod in agreement. “C’mon, you dolts. We gotta get out there and make him look good.” Pinocchio shrugged off his jacket and proceeded to try to break dance a few feet away from the no technical couple.

Bigby was the first to notice the shenanigans, and he pulled Snow into his arms again to keep the perpetuate child’s flailing legs from hitting her in the knees and knocking her over. “What are you doing?” He growled at Pinocchio over Snow’s mad giggling.

“Helping you look good in front of the lady.” the shorter man replied as he spun around on his back. He tried to spin fast enough to get up on his head, like he’d seen on TV, but it looked more like a flopping fish than anything.

Fly stood at the edge of the dancefloor, mouth agape as he watched what was unfolding before him. Blue downed what was left of his drink and smacked his pal in the chest. “Come on, we can’t let him look like a jackass out there.” It wasn’t clear if he meant Pinocchio or Bigby.

Blue wasn’t too ‘hep’ to the current dance crazes, so he tried to fox trot himself around the dance floor with an entirely imaginary partner. Fly looked around at the insanity before him, just as many of the people in the club was doing. “Heaven help me.” He sighed, then strode out onto the dance floor, his long legs kicking up into a jig that was reminiscent of River Dance.

_Well, at least Bigby wasn’t the only one who looked like he couldn’t dance._

Snow finally notice them all, and started giggling madly, leaning on Bigby for support as her fits of laughter brought a smile to the sheriff’s face in spite of the three dumbasses before them. Her laugh, like every damn part of her, was flawless in his eyes.

It wasn’t until Pinocchio’s attempt to spin on his back with his legs flailed out and hit Blue in the shin that it got worse. Blue stumbled and tripped, cursing as he crashed into Flycatcher, who was intently focused on his Michael Flatly impression and not looking anywhere but his own feet. The trio fell into a crumpled mess on the dancefloor, earning the uproarious laughter of the crowd.

Snow was finally overwhelmed by the excitement, or the alcohol. She leaned against Bigby, rubbing at her forehead. “I don’t feel so good.” She whined, her face scrunching into a pout as she clung to him. “Bigby, take me home.”

Pinocchio, despite the mess of limbs he found himself in, heard the Deputy Mayor’s request and whooped in celebration. He assumed ‘take me home’ meant Bigby would finally, finally seal the proverbial deal.

Which he _wouldn’t_. Snow was not in control of herself and Bigby, to his credit, had far too much respect for her and her honor to even consider taking advantage of her in that moment. He’d get her home and tucked into bed with a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of water in case she got a hangover, and leave her alone.

Even so, Pinocchio shouted as Bigby and Snow walked off the dance floor. “You’re welcome!” he cheered after them.

“You’re an idiot!” Bigby called back just before he and Snow blended into the crowd.

Pinocchio laid back on the dancefloor, beaming and very proud of himself. Fly and Blue groaned, much less enthused about the whole mess. Their friend’s boosting didn’t help them feel any better. “Good job, Wingmen! Hey, maybe that should be our code name. _The Wingmen_. I wonder if Bluebeard has trouble getting laid, considering that whole bed ‘em and behead ‘em thing he’s got going on. We could probably get him to pay for our expert services…” Pinocchio chattered on as Fly and Blue picked him up and pulled him off the dancefloor. Blue covered his smaller friends mouth, glaring at him. “Mine the Mundy, you jerk.”


End file.
